“a certain way”

By Aileen Robinson

As a young man in his Paris Diary of 1951, Ned predicts the circumstances of his own death: 

“Of course, I am convinced that it will be violent, unpleasant, and soon, either by the hand of a friend near the Boulevard Clichy (though, unfortunately, I never take chances unless drunk, and drunks are never murdered) – or in a concentration camp for vaguer reasons, and by tortures of which one does not speak (this I wouldn’t be able to avoid by will)….  Perhaps I write this from fear, knowing that what is written does not occur.  I feel that I shall die in ‘a certain way’ before I grow old; I’m not sure of it and don’t want it but I feel it.”

Ned will be turning 86 in October. 

I think all creative people get these kind of fanciful notions in their heads.  Living an extraordinary life doesn’t necessarily mean dying an extraordinary death.  It’s fun to imagine though.

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2 Responses to ““a certain way””

  1. davidr Says:

    Hmmm . . . I wonder if that conviction that he might not have long to live, having a morbid anticipation of his own abrupt end, might partly explain why he accomplished so much over his lifetime? I teach college writing, and I know that unless I set a deadline, essays don’t get written. “Memento mori”–remember that you must die–what a happy thought. Maybe it will inspire me to do something productive.

    Cheers,
    Da

  2. Becky Says:

    You never cease to amaze me, daughter! I love reading your musings. I wish you deep satisfaction in your project, and I hope that it affords you much inspiration.

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